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/RSS FeedIt’s a long night for the party as they grapple somewhat bravely with their ongoing struggles. We pick up right where we left off, with fights, nightmares, getting laid, and Gex…
Grickx examines a bookshelf. Wealthy finds her rope. Vons commits violence to vases. Aracyne listens to her grandfather.
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We mistakenly say the Book of Erotic Fantasy is out of print, but it is available in PDF! https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/12195/Book-of-Erotic-Fantasy -
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/RSS FeedThe night isn’t over yet as the party moves in on Corva. Or at least one of them is making moves on her. The others are sleeping peacefully, like cowards. Though that doesn’t last long!
Grickx acts on impulse. Aracyne gets a cookie. Vons is on the beach.
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Note: Kelly had to step out suddenly during recording, so there’s essentially no Wealthy this episode. She’s back next week! You do, at least, get a cameo from a different beloved character of Kelly’s.
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/RSS FeedThe party’s stakeout of Corva continues, this time with wildly different results as Grickx and Wealthy take the helm. Paths are hiked, messages are sent, and cold is felt. Also spoiler warning for Jurassic Park III (2001), of all things.
Wealthy dreams of home. Grickx takes a nap. Aracyne has a check-in. Vons comes knocking.
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Bonus Fun Links!
Wikipedia article for Petra, the ancient city: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Petra
The William Shatner article (NY Times, not Esquire, it turns out): https://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/05/magazine/05Shatner-t.html
The merely SEVENTEEN year old Penny Arcade comic: https://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2005/08/05/the-nemesis
Found footage of Grickx and Wealthy as spies (according to Whit): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNSNLXNnx-o -
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/RSS FeedThe party finishes planning, and gets down to business. The business of a little lighthearted surveillance in the dangerous outdoors.
Vons gets out his blanket. Aracyne proposes a novel strategy for leaving one’s job. Grickx grills an ally to determine their true allegiance. Wealthy gets a weave.
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/RSS FeedThe party figures some shit out. Like what they want to do with their lives! Y’know, little simple easy things like that.
Vons shirks paternal responsibility. Aracyne wants to restrict access to books. Wealthy asks someone for the small favor of treason. Grickx just needs someone to be his Spiro Agnew. The time paradox makes a guest appearance.
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/RSS FeedThe party finishes recuperating from their latest misadventure, and learns some new things about everyone’s favorite magic goop. Also, personal financial anxiety! Keeping it relevant over here.
Wealthy has a shoulder-based epiphany. Vons has something in common with baby boomers. Grickx doesn’t need JSTOR. Aracyne has The Talk. The CK manages to fail to do an intended accent three different times.
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/RSS FeedThe party drags their injured members to the clinic to get patched up and recover. While they’re there, a social kerfuffle breaks out, they take advantage of local expertise, and a member attempts petty theft. Later, politics are discussed with someone’s mom.
Aracyne misses an important introduction. Wealthy up and moves. Vons is a single issue voter. Grickx *doesn’t* want to engage in wanton murder. Weird.
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/RSS FeedHey everyone, please join us in supporting the West Seattle Food Bank for their Instruments of Change event on May 14th, 2022! We’ve sponsored the event and will be there in person, if you want to come say hi, or you can attend virtually, with free tickets still available.
The food bank does a lot of important work in the community, helping provide food, clothes, and numerous other resources to folks in need in Seattle. They can always use more help to provide their services to as many people as possible, and that’s where y’all come in.
If you attend, there are lots of extra fun ways to donate, including a silent auction with some truly cursed dolls among other, less terrifying items. However, even if you’d rather pass on the event, or you’re getting to this past the event date, we’d still love it if you donated a little something to support their mission. (If you can, we know things are tough right now!)
You can donate, learn more about the food bank, and find information about virtual tickets at https://westseattlefoodbank.org/
If you do donate, let us know! We will give you 10,000 Cool Points to go with the warm feeling you’ll have in your heart for helping out a great cause.
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/RSS FeedFrom the moment the desk walked into their lives, the party knew it was going to be trouble. But it had gorgeous hardware and a great set of legs. They couldn’t resist trying to get in its drawer. So they made their move, with all the subtlety of a crowbar. And that’s when everything went sideways.
Vons believes in the importance of hydration. Wealthy overspecializes. Aracyne pays it forward. Grickx acts as if all the world’s a stage.
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/RSS FeedThe party heads back down into the maintenance tunnels to search the facility nestled in the dark part of the grid, having now reached an agreement with the tentacats for permission to move through their territory. Turns out there’s rather a lot to find.
Vons is *not* not all who wander. Aracyne has an almost-kiss. Wealthy accidentally overcharges. Grickx is concerned about timing. Elara’s chill and stuff. The Castle Keeper is definitely not a fan of Prey (2017), how dare you.
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/RSS FeedThe party crawls their way back out of the maintenance tunnels to try and recharge before another day of descending into the deeps. Not everything that happens in the tunnels stays in the tunnels, however, and they find they have to deal with some rather sticky consequences. Also, donuts!
Wealthy has impure thoughts. Vons has a sleepover. Grickx has his concerns dispelled. Aracyne talks it out.
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/RSS FeedHey everyone! No new episode this week. Sometimes life comes at you sideways, or at least prevents you from managing to release a podcast episode at its originally scheduled time.
We’ll be back to our regular schedule next week! Until then, stay safe and well. We’ll see you soon. 🙂
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/RSS FeedThe party may be safe, but with tentacats you can never be sure. Especially when they keep saying you’re food. Negotiations continue as the promised supplies arrive on the scene, along with a few unexpected guests.
Vons is invisible in social situations. Grickx sends someone to the Shadow Realm. Aracyne has Too Much of a Day. Wealthy assumes there’s two sides to every conversation.
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/RSS FeedThe party’s separated and held hostage by tentacats (or possibly holding them hostage, depending on point of view). Except for Vons and Wealthy, who are merely held hostage by BELOVED NPC Gex’s snark. And rusty ladders. And their own curiosity.
Wealthy finds a situation where she *will* charge in. Aracyne explains it’s not what it looks like. Grickx is congratulated. Vons lives the life aquatic.
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/RSS FeedThe party struggles to find each other and escape their perilous situation in the lair of the tentacats. At the rate they’re going, they might not even get any treasure at the end of this! But then again, isn’t the real treasure the friends we made along the way?
Wealthy jumps at shadows. Vons is a thing. Grickx orders delivery. Aracyne meets an up-and-coming amateur Shakesperean actor. The GM never learns.
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/RSS FeedThe party’s fight against the tentacat concludes! They’re down a few members, but they’re scrappy, and that’s what matters. Meanwhile, Vons and Wealthy try to figure out how to deal with being trapped in darkness, with a hungry creature breathing down their necks…
Elara has financial concerns. Aracyne is in the void. Vons reads thiefenscratch. Wealthy checks her inventory. Grickx overplays scritches as a negotiation technique.
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/RSS FeedThe battle against the cat of shadow and tentacles continues! With Aracyne missing, the rest of the party tries to keep it together, take down the creature that took her, and weather the effects the magic goop. It’s a stressful time inside the world’s worst lava lamp.
Vons threads the needle. Wealthy can’t find the right towel. Grickx is a good ferocious boy. Elara has mad hops. Aracyne’s appearances-per-episode contract is violated.
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/RSS FeedThe party faces off against a giant, tentacled cat in a room full of molten magic. Spells fly, people are picked up by other people, and magic goop is collided with as the fight gets rolling.
Wealthy didn’t watch Willy Wonka. Vons can’t read. Aracyne hears the ocean. Grickx frees his mind.
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/RSS FeedThe party descends down into the maintenance tunnels to follow Grickx’s investigation into the death of his friend. They actually remember to prepare this time, in flagrant disregard for on-site procurement SOP. They even remember to tell people where they’re going! They don’t get any codec frequencies, though.
Wealthy experiences a fear in her heart. Vons goes through a trial to survive. Aracyne tries not to melt into anyone or anything. Grickx guides the party through darkness and silence to new light.
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/RSS FeedAracyne meets with Nara, and tries to plea her case. Nara isn’t so easily moved, however, and will need some convincing. Meanwhile, the rest of the party has a perfectly pleasant time making new friends, training on their new gear, failing to understand business, and learning about the world around them.
Wealthy takes a quick continuing education course. Aracyne has lewd thoughts. Vons is tempted by the personal benefits of capitalism. Grickx sees pretty colors.
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/RSS FeedThe party has gathered together, and we join them as they discuss overthrowing the government. They, of course, have no reservations and are ready to engage in the most radical acts and do anything necessary to achieve their goals. Definitely.
We also narrowly avoid at least one conversation about accounting. That’s something, right? Totally anticapitalist move, right there.
Grickx considers making a polite request. Wealthy does some networking. Vons tries to get someone to flip on their dealer. Aracyne has a midnight rendezvous.
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/RSS FeedOur grand experiment in post-modern montage approaches its end. The party achieves some long-awaited goals and gains some new abilities. A sandwich atlatl is proposed. Most importantly, the Prophecy comes to pass.
Grickx considers becoming a god. Wealthy bakes bread. Aracyne outlines the conditions under which she’d volunteer to be a practice target. Vons faces off against feathers. Shield is accosted. Accosted by FRIENDSHIP.
If you’d like to learn more about atlatls, you can do so here!: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spear-thrower
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P.S. Apologies for the sirens and/or road noise that snuck into the mix! We do our best to avoid it, but sometimes it can’t be helped. The hazards of city living, I suppose. Time for us all to move to rural Iowa so in addition to quieter environs we can count as Real Americans whose votes matter and chill with presidential primary candidates!
SFX Credit:
The record scratch sound effect is “Cue Scratch.wav” by Racche, from Freesound.org, used under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported license (CC BY 3.0).
Link to the source of the sound effect: https://freesound.org/people/Racche/sounds/160907/
Link to the license: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ -
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/RSS FeedIt’s our 50th episode! Thanks for sticking with us, and we hope you keep on enjoying our show for a long time to come. 😀
We approach the end of our Bold Experiment in Montage That Transcends the Medium (BEMTTM). The party tries doing new things, like moving shop, engaging in this thing known as “work,” and finding new books in the library. Only some of them turn out to be horribly regrettable!
Grickx gets distracted. Vons employs child labor. Aracyne doesn’t keep her eyes on her own paper. Wealthy really needs a hobby.
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/RSS FeedOur prestige miniseries continues with the party pressing on in their training and putting down roots for further growth. There’s study sessions, horrible grandparents, a friend waking up from a borderline coma, and the blowing up of spots! It’s like Gilmore Girls by way of General Hospital!
Aracyne finally makes it as an unpaid intern. Vons gets real about his estate. Grickx provides the finest kibble. Wealthy is an excellent study buddy.
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/RSS FeedWe wrap up week two of four of our montage! A speedy 3 episodes in!
Aracyne syncs back up with the time stream, and everyone meets at a bar to catch up. And be mad at each other. Or just awkward. Friendships are complicated, okay?
Aracyne violates the return policy. Grickx invests in R&D. Vons’s past shows up on his doorstep. Wealthy hits the books.
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/RSS Feed(We recommend reading the title in Aracyne’s voice for maximum effect.)
In the second episode of the montage (shush, you), the remaining party of Grickx, Wealthy, and Vons searches for Aracyne, who’s gone missing on them. Everyone brings their own approach to the task at hand. Some of them even work!
Wealthy uses her hat-based powers to find the trail. Aracyne catches up on her correspondence. Grickx posts to the city BBS. Green lends a helping paw. Vons shows that, deep down in his heart of hearts, he cares.
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PS If you’re curious about the Captain’s Yacht, Wikipedia has you covered! It was in the finest Star Trek film of all time, Star Trek: Insurrection! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Starship_Enterprise#Captain’s_yacht
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/RSS FeedWe cut away from the party’s montage to cover what Aracyne’s been up to. Turns out it’s not just partying! Instead there’s disguises, stakeouts, copious amounts of poison, and an assassination mission. Which goes completely smoothly and definitely doesn’t break Aracyne’s worldview. Totally.
Aracyne spills a drink and gets a new cloak. The GM is slow at math. Vons, Grickx, and Wealthy have a relaxing episode off-camera where the GM can’t get to them.
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PS: Timeline note: Takes place concurrent to the events of episodes 45, 47, and 48.Whoosh sound effect by _Bepis: https://freesound.org/people/_bepis/sounds/414422/
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/RSS FeedWe start our highly efficient 4-week montage where the party members train up, make connections, and improve their skills as part of leveling. And cover one whole week. It’s a slow-motion montage. Very high-concept, very avant garde. 100% intentional. >.>;;;
Wealthy goes to office hours and meets a fellow researcher. Vons does the grossest thing yet. Aracyne slips away into her own episode (out Friday!). Grickx improves his reading skills. The GM gets to consult the org chart.
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/RSS FeedEveryone heads home, dirty and exhausted, after their rescue of Cog from the depths of the maintenance tunnels. The proper authorities are retroactively informed, loot is divided, some people pull off the transition back to daily life better than others, and we meet some delightful new characters on a date night.
Vons is vulnerable to a vixen. Aracyne is totally, definitely, absolutely fine. Grickx visits his local library. Wealthy researches a stick. Bob appears.
This episode’s vocabulary word is “sporran!” See if you can find where it shows up in the episode! You can learn what the fuck they are here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sporran
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/RSS FeedIt’s our 2021 Solstice Special! Or whatever winter-ish holiday of your choice!
This solstice we would like to formally invite you to attend a party at the home of Grickx and Wealthy. There will be dinner, drinks, the airing of grievances, white oliphant games, and general merrymaking! All you have to do is bring yourself. The party, though? They have to bring their best sweaters with them, too.
Vons gives a truly unique gift. Wealthy’s past comes back to haunt her. Aracyne has a cunning plan. Grickx teaches important traditions, and is the best roommate. Almost every NPC gets invited, risking another singularity. The GM biffs a slant rhyme.
Check us out online at https://primaryattribute.com! And happy holidays, everyone! <3
P.S. Canon Note! This episode uses events up through episode 46 as canon, but is itself not canon. And you didn’t miss any releases: episodes 44, 45, and 46 are actually coming out in the weeks following this episode. Sorry for any confusion this may cause while you listen, this was just how our recording schedule worked out. Think of any references as fun teasers of things to come! They’re basically awesome solstice presents, if you think about it. 😀
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/RSS Feed(Special Announcement! Be sure to keep an eye out this Friday (12/24) for our holiday episode! There are SWEATERS.)
With a pile of invisible monsters swarming towards them, and a new ally by their side, the party makes its escape from the underground facility. Will they make it out of the maintenance levels intact? More importantly, will they finally solve the riddle of the mystery square?
Aracyne fails to develop psychic powers. Grickx fully comprehends things that would shatter other mortal minds. Wealthy’s university education fails her. Vons handles a job interview in one of the weirdest ways possible. A joke so terrible it has to be bleeped out is made.
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/RSS FeedThe party’s secured Cog and starts looking for a way out. But that turns out to be a tall order, and as trouble besets them on every side things get buck wild.
Aracyne wants up. Grickx proves himself to a certain someone. Wealthy hangs in there. Vons is surprised at the strength of his concoctions. Cog is still no help at all.
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/RSS FeedWith Cog’s life hanging in the balance, the party executes their rescue operation. It leads to Cog’s life hanging in midair instead. It’s all going according to plan, right? And they tightened all those knots? Right? Guys?
Grickx’s plans go up in smoke. Wealthy tries to pull off a rope trick. Vons sticks the landing. Aracyne shows off her qualifications for Cirque du Soleil. Cog is no help at all.
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/RSS FeedAfter Aracyne’s injury, the party stops to regroup, recuperate, and reconsider their plan of action. It looks like it’s going to be a long night down in the maintenance tunnels.
Wealthy lives up to one half of her name. Aracyne and Vons have a heart to heart. Grickx readies for launch.
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/RSS FeedThe party explores the room with the giant crystal column, searching for any more clues as to Cog’s whereabouts. There’s also the little matter of the disturbances in the water three stories down…
Wealthy worries wildly. Vons engages in outright heroism. Aracyne takes a header. Grickx makes a wish.
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/RSS FeedThe party, having successfully saved Grickx from becoming Stabby-food, works out what to do next on their search for Cog. They press on through a dense thicket of horrible tongues to continue their quest further down into the darkness full of mystery squares, doors, and poor maintenance practices.
Grickx takes matters into his own hands. Wealthy learns her new trade. Vons ponders potential fillets. Aracyne trips hard.
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/RSS FeedWe rejoin our hero, Stabby the (not-technically-a-)Roper, as they try to finish the delicious meal they started last week. Will they succeed at consuming a delightful kobold treat? Perhaps sample a second course of foxfolk, halfing, or half-elf? Or will these annoying creatures interrupt their meal?
Vons practices amateur surgery. Wealthy turns off her targeting computer. Aracyne shows off her knife mastery. Grickx uses the emergency confetti.
Editor’s note: Apologies for the rough audio in today’s episode! The original recordings had some strangeness to them, and I (Ian) wasn’t able to get it fully filtered out of the edited version before release.
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/RSS FeedThe party’s search for Cog continues as they try to find the best way down to the lower levels to keep following his trail. It’s not all smooth sailing, however, like when they’re interrupted by a mess of strange cables in a lower room…
Wealthy is light on her feet. Vons considers the snack to danger ratio. Grickx suddenly ascends. Aracyne scouts ahead.
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/RSS FeedIt’s our Halloween special! We pause our party’s dungeon delve adventure for a pleasant, quiet gathering of the party and friends at the Maefynwe estate to celebrate the Autumn harvest festival. Some claim the time of year is haunted, but that’s all superstitious nonsense. Right?
Grickx brings enough to share. Wealthy struggles with affairs of the heart. Vons gives professional criticism. Aracyne steals her family members’ stuff. Photios has a floop.
Content Warning: Due to the horror angle, things got a bit more grim than usual. This episode has graphic violence and gore beyond what’s usually in our show. There’s also mind control/brainwashing, with some accompanying consent issues touched on briefly near the end. If you need to sit this one out, no worries! Any big things that cross over into the main campaign will be explained within those mainline episodes.
Happy Halloween, everyone!
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PS Behold, the promised maps! Note they are very much not to scale.
First Floor:
Second Floor:
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/RSS FeedThe party fully uncovers the breadth and depth of the mystery square as they investigate further the strange place they’ve found themselves in. They also talk to ghosts, but who cares about that when you’re finishing a mini-map, am I right?
Wealthy lights the way. Grickx lives vicariously through others. Vons tries to collect some samples. Aracyne descends to depths unknown.
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/RSS FeedAs the party descends deeper into the mountain, they move away from the carefully constructed maintenance tunnels and into natural caverns riddled with OSHA violations. From holes to doors to poorly-described rooms, there’s no end to the terrors they encounter!
Aracyne copes with a tragedy. Vons takes a moment to think. Jaaspar uses his degree. Wealthy tries to hold the world to a higher standard. The GM blows their spatial description check. Grickx is extremely rude.
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/RSS FeedThe party gets ready to descend into the maintenance levels of the city to search for Cog. They get armored up, grab their gear, and head on through the bead curtain of destiny to find out what lies beyond.
Aracyne helps a friend get dressed to go out. Vons finds out he’d hate the Haunted Mansion. Grickx remembers he was supposed to do something. Wealthy gets roped in.
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/RSS FeedThe party is drawn together by Grickx’s note and heads to Otten Core, where they hatch a plan to find the missing Cog. First, though, Aracyne has some business to conclude.
Grickx hears a tale that chills him to the bone. Vons upcycles some utensils and makes a friend. Wealthy finds a table. Aracyne takes 2d6 feelings damage.
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/RSS FeedHey everyone! We weren’t able to get a normal episode out for this week due to some technical difficulties, so we decided to do something a little different. We present for your listening pleasure a bit of cut content from the Dating Game episodes that we thought was very funny and interesting, but couldn’t quite make fit into the final edit.
Sorry for the delay on the next episode! We’ll be back to your regularly scheduled programming next week. <3
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/RSS FeedWith Cog MIA, the party rushes to do all their side quests in the little time they have to spare before a potential rescue operation. After all, if you don’t unlock the ultimate weapon and armor for every character, and finish all the social links, are you even really playing?*
Grickx rats people out. Vons destroys the upper crust. And the middle. And the lower. All of them, really. Aracyne researches the history of furniture. Wealthy auditions for the reboot of Numb3rs. The GM goes to the Bad Place.
Check us out online! We’re at https://primaryattribute.com/
P.S. Sorry for the wonky audio quality, we apparently pissed off some gremlins or something and our mics did not behave. That or the several gods that have cursed Ian over the years decided to remind them who’s boss.
*You ARE and we support you any way you want to play <3
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/RSS FeedOur party is out of lockdown and everyone heads home to get some space and figure out what their next objective is. It’s a thrilling tale of terrible family members, fanciful correspondence, and trying to find one’s place in the world.
Vons makes his mark. Wealthy’s weekend woes suddenly increase. Grickx gets a roommate. Aracyne struggles with a broken record.
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/RSS FeedWe wrap up our lockdown arc with a brief episode concerning pancakes. Amazingly for this show, it’s not a pancake breakfast fundraiser to repair a park or conduit or something. I’m just as confused as you.
Grickx plays a co-op minigame and gets S rank. Wealthy keeps a low profile. Vons is surprisingly sweet. Aracyne rides the snugglebus. The GM forgets words and deepens the time paradox. Everyone gets a prize.
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/RSS FeedThe party’s evening in lockdown finally winds to a close, and everyone drifts towards bed, though not without some final shenanigans of both the criminal and heart varieties.
Grickx gives a pair of crack commandos a dangerous mission. Wealthy asks the hard questions. Aracyne and Photios bust out the luggage rack and unpack some baggage. Vons engages in fraud.
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/RSS FeedIt’s episode 4 of lockdown, so we take a breather from Feelings with a pleasant conversation about anticapitalism, big pharma, and worldly awareness. Oooh, and there’s party games!
Grickx is a good sport and a bad coaster. Aracyne makes drinking plans and auditions for the role of Sexy Count von Count. Vons opens up and shows some gaps. Wealthy pits her liver against her feelings, and doesn’t name names.
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/RSS FeedIt’s time for Lockdown episode three, and we’ve now hit three cliffhangers in a row for Aracyne about Wealthy. Have the stars finally aligned so Aracyne can get her answers? We’ll find out!
The party hunkers down as the evening grows late around them, and the conversations turn more serious. Confrontations are finally managed, and difficult topics finally broached. Also, there’s cartoons.
Aracyne takes the road less traveled. Wealthy learns the shortcomings of houseplants. Vons considers all the possibilities. Repeatedly. Grickx shares a tale of mythical creatures. Most of the NPCs catch a breather.
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Primary Attribute
An Actual Play Podcast
