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Episode Archive

  • 036 – Strange Cables

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    036 – Strange Cables
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    The party’s search for Cog continues as they try to find the best way down to the lower levels to keep following his trail. It’s not all smooth sailing, however, like when they’re interrupted by a mess of strange cables in a lower room…

    Wealthy is light on her feet. Vons considers the snack to danger ratio. Grickx suddenly ascends. Aracyne scouts ahead.

    Check us out online! We’re at https://primaryattribute.com/

  • SA002 – Halloween Special 2021!

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    SA002 – Halloween Special 2021!
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    It’s our Halloween special! We pause our party’s dungeon delve adventure for a pleasant, quiet gathering of the party and friends at the Maefynwe estate to celebrate the Autumn harvest festival. Some claim the time of year is haunted, but that’s all superstitious nonsense. Right?

    Grickx brings enough to share. Wealthy struggles with affairs of the heart. Vons gives professional criticism. Aracyne steals her family members’ stuff. Photios has a floop.

    Content Warning: Due to the horror angle, things got a bit more grim than usual. This episode has graphic violence and gore beyond what’s usually in our show. There’s also mind control/brainwashing, with some accompanying consent issues touched on briefly near the end. If you need to sit this one out, no worries! Any big things that cross over into the main campaign will be explained within those mainline episodes.

    Happy Halloween, everyone!

    Check us out online! We’re at https://primaryattribute.com/

    PS Behold, the promised maps! Note they are very much not to scale.

    First Floor:

    Second Floor:


  • 035 – A Game of 20 Ghost-ions

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    035 – A Game of 20 Ghost-ions
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    The party fully uncovers the breadth and depth of the mystery square as they investigate further the strange place they’ve found themselves in. They also talk to ghosts, but who cares about that when you’re finishing a mini-map, am I right?

    Wealthy lights the way. Grickx lives vicariously through others. Vons tries to collect some samples. Aracyne descends to depths unknown.

    Check us out online! We’re at https://primaryattribute.com/

  • 034 – Ghosts Are Real… A Real Bummer!

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    034 – Ghosts Are Real… A Real Bummer!
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    As the party descends deeper into the mountain, they move away from the carefully constructed maintenance tunnels and into natural caverns riddled with OSHA violations. From holes to doors to poorly-described rooms, there’s no end to the terrors they encounter!

    Aracyne copes with a tragedy. Vons takes a moment to think. Jaaspar uses his degree. Wealthy tries to hold the world to a higher standard. The GM blows their spatial description check. Grickx is extremely rude.

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  • 033 – Shifting Gears

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    033 – Shifting Gears
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    The party gets ready to descend into the maintenance levels of the city to search for Cog. They get armored up, grab their gear, and head on through the bead curtain of destiny to find out what lies beyond.

    Aracyne helps a friend get dressed to go out. Vons finds out he’d hate the Haunted Mansion. Grickx remembers he was supposed to do something. Wealthy gets roped in.

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  • 032 – Convening the Crew

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    032 – Convening the Crew
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    The party is drawn together by Grickx’s note and heads to Otten Core, where they hatch a plan to find the missing Cog. First, though, Aracyne has some business to conclude.

    Grickx hears a tale that chills him to the bone. Vons upcycles some utensils and makes a friend. Wealthy finds a table. Aracyne takes 2d6 feelings damage.

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  • SA001 – Secondary Attribute: Math is Hard

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    SA001 – Secondary Attribute: Math is Hard
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    Hey everyone! We weren’t able to get a normal episode out for this week due to some technical difficulties, so we decided to do something a little different. We present for your listening pleasure a bit of cut content from the Dating Game episodes that we thought was very funny and interesting, but couldn’t quite make fit into the final edit.

    Sorry for the delay on the next episode! We’ll be back to your regularly scheduled programming next week. <3

    Check us out online! We’re at https://primaryattribute.com/

  • 031 – A Missing Cog

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    031 – A Missing Cog
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    With Cog MIA, the party rushes to do all their side quests in the little time they have to spare before a potential rescue operation. After all, if you don’t unlock the ultimate weapon and armor for every character, and finish all the social links, are you even really playing?*

    Grickx rats people out. Vons destroys the upper crust. And the middle. And the lower. All of them, really. Aracyne researches the history of furniture. Wealthy auditions for the reboot of Numb3rs. The GM goes to the Bad Place.

    Check us out online! We’re at https://primaryattribute.com/

    P.S. Sorry for the wonky audio quality, we apparently pissed off some gremlins or something and our mics did not behave. That or the several gods that have cursed Ian over the years decided to remind them who’s boss.

    *You ARE and we support you any way you want to play <3

  • 030 – Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

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    030 – Won’t You Be My Neighbor?
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    Our party is out of lockdown and everyone heads home to get some space and figure out what their next objective is. It’s a thrilling tale of terrible family members, fanciful correspondence, and trying to find one’s place in the world.

    Vons makes his mark. Wealthy’s weekend woes suddenly increase. Grickx gets a roommate. Aracyne struggles with a broken record.

    Check us out online! We’re at https://primaryattribute.com/

  • 029 – Lockdown 6: A Chaste Intimacy is Established

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    029 – Lockdown 6: A Chaste Intimacy is Established
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    We wrap up our lockdown arc with a brief episode concerning pancakes. Amazingly for this show, it’s not a pancake breakfast fundraiser to repair a park or conduit or something. I’m just as confused as you.

    Grickx plays a co-op minigame and gets S rank. Wealthy keeps a low profile. Vons is surprisingly sweet. Aracyne rides the snugglebus. The GM forgets words and deepens the time paradox. Everyone gets a prize.

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  • 028 – Lockdown 5: Passing Out

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    028 – Lockdown 5: Passing Out
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    The party’s evening in lockdown finally winds to a close, and everyone drifts towards bed, though not without some final shenanigans of both the criminal and heart varieties.

    Grickx gives a pair of crack commandos a dangerous mission. Wealthy asks the hard questions. Aracyne and Photios bust out the luggage rack and unpack some baggage. Vons engages in fraud.

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  • 027 – Lockdown 4: Just Like Middle School

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    027 – Lockdown 4: Just Like Middle School
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    It’s episode 4 of lockdown, so we take a breather from Feelings with a pleasant conversation about anticapitalism, big pharma, and worldly awareness. Oooh, and there’s party games!

    Grickx is a good sport and a bad coaster. Aracyne makes drinking plans and auditions for the role of Sexy Count von Count. Vons opens up and shows some gaps. Wealthy pits her liver against her feelings, and doesn’t name names.

    Check us out online! We’re at https://primaryattribute.com/

  • 026 – Lockdown 3: The Search for Wealthy

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    026 – Lockdown 3: The Search for Wealthy
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    It’s time for Lockdown episode three, and we’ve now hit three cliffhangers in a row for Aracyne about Wealthy. Have the stars finally aligned so Aracyne can get her answers? We’ll find out!

    The party hunkers down as the evening grows late around them, and the conversations turn more serious. Confrontations are finally managed, and difficult topics finally broached. Also, there’s cartoons.

    Aracyne takes the road less traveled. Wealthy learns the shortcomings of houseplants. Vons considers all the possibilities. Repeatedly. Grickx shares a tale of mythical creatures. Most of the NPCs catch a breather.

    Check us out online! We’re at https://primaryattribute.com/

  • 025 – Lockdown 2: Unhealthy Emotional Investments

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    025 – Lockdown 2: Unhealthy Emotional Investments
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    It’s the second episode of lockdown, the alcohol’s out, and things are heating up. They should probably try to get some ventilation going, because the party has zero chill.

    Wealthy channels Mary Worth and gets her meddle on. Vons attempts to keep things on the down low, to the point he’s risking breaching the mantle. Grickx copilots the AMS Chill Hang as it enters choppy emotional waters. Aracyne tries to crack the case but struggles to get these birds to sing.

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  • 024 – Lockdown

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    024 – Lockdown
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    Arx Moltimus goes into lockdown as a storm, and The Corruption, crash against the walls. The party, meanwhile, crashes in some friend’s apartments. Is anyone ready to spend this long in close quarters together? Especially after the night they’ve been having? Probably not, but we’re going to find out!

    Aracyne suffers an internal organ malfunction. Grickx shows his age and makes a new friend. Wealthy finally catches a break. Vons demonstrates his apothecary alchemist skills and engages in some light looting. However, the true prize, nachos, stays out of his reach. The GM fully triggers the NPC Singularity.

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  • 023 – Loose Lips Propel Ships

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    023 – Loose Lips Propel Ships
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    The party spends the evening drinking with friends. They try to wind down, relax, and celebrate some recent accomplishments. They succeed at exactly one of these! Emotional Chaos ensues.

    Vons looks for a helping paw for himself and society. Grickx is the only good listener. Aracyne asks for a big favor and tries to get her friends to open up. Wealthy gets absolutely, positively smashed, and that’s the least of her problems. The GM digs themselves deeper into the Time Void and starts assembling the NPC Singularity.

    Check us out online! We’re at https://primaryattribute.com/

    Audio Credits:

    Thunder Sounds
    CloseLightning20august2007.mp3
    by Zoltan Csengeri, aka Csengeri on Freesound.org
    License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported
    License Link: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
    Original: https://freesound.org/people/csengeri/sounds/39510/
    The audio has been altered from its original version for use in this episode

    Bell Sounds
    Large Bell Ringing
    by flarn2006
    License: Creative Commons 0 (public domain)
    License Link: https://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/zero/1.0/
    Original: https://freesound.org/people/flarn2006/sounds/147913/
    The audio has been altered from its original version for use in this episode

  • 022 – Downtime? More Like Downertime!

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    022 – Downtime? More Like Downertime!
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    Our party goes back to their daily lives after an exciting day of dates and adventure, in what is sure to be a light-hearted and breezy breather episode. Wait, I’m being handed a note. Oh…oh no.

    Wealthy changes hats. Vons worries that by not taking Renegade points he’ll get the bad ending. Aracyne fails to see the problem, and also D.A.R.E. Grickx engages in introspection, one of the most the dangerous activities known to man or god, as he examines an old wound. The GM damages the timeline.

    Production note: Whit’s microphone continued to cause trouble during this recording, so we apologize if you have the sensation that bees are attempting to see if your ears are flowers whenever Grickx is around. Also, Adam’s recording was corrupted and had to be re-recorded, so if he sounds odd at times, that’s why!

    Check us out online! We’re at https://primaryattribute.com

  • 021 – Afterparty

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    021 – Afterparty
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    The party drifts home after a night at the bar and reluctantly resumes the trials of daily life. Aracyne visits a certain shop. Vons turns down a networking opportunity. Grickx’s past comes back to haunt him. Wealthy looks at transforming the equation of her life. The cast barely prevents becoming unstuck in time.

    Production note: In addition to Ian’s continued haunting by the screams of children, Whit’s microphone ran into some trouble during this recording. We had to cut in a piece of our backup, so if you notice the audio sounds a little weird for a minute, or two, that’s probably what it is! Hopefully! Or you too are haunted???

    Check us out online! We’re at https://primaryattribute.com/

  • 020 – Frenemies

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    020 – Frenemies
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    We rejoin our party while Grickx is away, as Aracyne gets called out and tries to explain the party’s sudden presence in the distillery to Nara. Things get a little awkward, to say the least. Vons considers the better part of valor. Aracyne swears it’s not what it looks like. Grickx lets Nara know where she stands. Wealthy puts a ring on it.

    Production note: Ian would like to apologize for the random sounds of yelling children in their audio. This is, at least at the moment, not caused by them being haunted. However, they did live in an apartment complex where a bunch of kids, whose voices would not be stopped by such petty trifles as closed windows, were playing in the courtyard during recording.

    Check us out online! We’re at https://primaryattribute.com/

  • 019 – An Independent Contractor

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    019 – An Independent Contractor
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    The party finds themselves confronted by their foe, Nara, and hatch a clever plan. The plan, of course, immediately goes to shit. Wealthy tries to win friends and influence people. Vons makes small talk. Aracyne attempts desperately to play it cool. Devin lurks in the background. The players get separation anxiety. Grickx throws down for all the marbles.

    Check us out online! We’re at https://primaryattribute.com/

  • 018 – Trust is Hard

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    018 – Trust is Hard
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    The party meets the most suspicious type of people of all: grad students. Grickx handles his lucky stick. Wealthy doesn’t believe in independent field research. Defended Delves shows incredible restraint in their pushing of buttons. Aracyne makes an entrance. Vons tries to share his snacks. Some weirdo named Devin keeps hanging around for some reason.

    Check us out online! We’re at https://primaryattribute.com/

  • 017 – Tentacle Friends

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    017 – Tentacle Friends
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    Our party is attacked by creatures in the dark who try to eat their faces. Or be their friends! Who can really say for sure? Aracyne uses her head. Vons proves the value of tactile labeling. Wealthy gives it her all. Grickx makes cotton candy. Defended Delves proves they’re worth the money.

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  • 016 – A Maze of Twisty Little Passages, All Alike

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    016 – A Maze of Twisty Little Passages, All Alike
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    The party decides to not confront Nara and instead tries to find another route to their destination. They press forward in a way that does not resemble wandering one bit, how dare you. Wealthy laments her footwear choices. Vons gets confused by the plan. Grickx bravely charges head-on into the unknown. Aracyne goes to geology class.

    Check us out online! We’re at https://primaryattribute.com/

  • 015 – The Descent

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    015 – The Descent
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    The party descends into the maintenance levels, escorted by Elara and Green of Defended Delves. Parts are scavenged, poop mold is gathered, and a surprise awaits them in the sewer levels. Aracyne goes incognito and fears entrapment. Vons gathers ingredients and is surprisingly level-headed. Wealthy runs into an old acquaintance and learns some new things from Vons. Grickx worries about city infrastructure and uses his keen hearing to detect trouble ahead.

    Check us out online! We’re at https://primaryattribute.com/

  • 014 – The Dating Game (Part 2)

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    014 – The Dating Game (Part 2)
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    If you haven’t listened to the previous episode, we heavily recommend you start there! This is essentially the second half of one very long episode.

    Half the party wraps up their dates while the other half continue to work on self-actualization. Sort of. Vons tries to keep his shit together, despite having zero chill, on his date with Green. Photios learns that Aracyne has a particular set of skills, and a surprisingly high number of different lives. Aracyne continues to blow up her own spot. Wealthy takes on a freelance magic gig that promises to test those magical math skills. Grickx finds about some shady goings-on in the Kobold Warrens. And, finally, they all meet up at a coffee shop so they can go on a dungeon delve, the ideal after-date re-centering activity.

    Check us out online! We’re at https://primaryattribute.com/

    Music Attribution:

    Sneaky Adventure by Kevin MacLeod
    Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4383-sneaky-adventure
    License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

    Deliberate Thought by Kevin MacLeod
    Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3635-deliberate-thought
    License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

    Luminous Rain by Kevin MacLeod
    Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4007-luminous-rain
    License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

    Life of Riley by Kevin MacLeod
    Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3976-life-of-riley
    License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

  • 013 – The Dating Game (Part 1)

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    013 – The Dating Game (Part 1)
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    It’s date time! As Vons and Aracyne get ready for their respective dates, Grickx and Wealthy do their best to go about their daily lives. Vons learns what a brush is. Aracyne dresses to match the lichen. Grickx tries to have hobbies and finds a lead on an upgraded arm. Wealthy works on a terrible hat.

    If you would like to get in on our weirdly specific bullshit, the book we were referencing that has the Rach society in it is Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie, which you can find out more about here: https://www.indiebound.org/book/9780316246620. You can also check out Mission to Zyxx at https://www.missiontozyxx.space/.

    Check us out online! We’re at https://primaryattribute.com/

    Music Attribution:

    Sneaky Adventure by Kevin MacLeod
    Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4383-sneaky-adventure
    License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

    Luminous Rain by Kevin MacLeod
    Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4007-luminous-rain
    License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

    Life of Riley by Kevin MacLeod
    Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3976-life-of-riley
    License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

  • 012 – Eat, Cockroach, Love

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    012 – Eat, Cockroach, Love
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    BOY HOWDY we hope you like worldbuilding, Seattle references, and fox flirting. Romance is in the air and bugs are intentionally on the plates at The Dumpster this fine evening as the party spots an attractive vixen. Aracyne makes the group some new friends, wingmans erratically, and shares some family troubles. Vons maybe gets a date, no one is sure. Wealthy is socially terrified. Grickx does not get baby bjorn’ed, much to everyone’s disappointment.

    By the way, the prosthesis we were referencing is the prosthetic hand of Renaissance-era poet-knight Götz von Berlichingen, who you can learn about over on Wikipedia! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Götz_von_Berlichingen

    Check us out online! We’re at https://primaryattribute.com/

  • 011 – Elven Privilege

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    011 – Elven Privilege
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    The party finds the source of the explosion and those responsible for it. They also engage in a light discussion about overthrowing their entire society. Wealthy finally gets to use her degree. Grickx takes someone else’s device for himself. Vons demands another alchemist’s research and bonds with Aracyne despite his best efforts. Aracyne has complicated feelings about privilege, and goes full career counselor at some people she just met. Again.

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  • 010 – No Nachos

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    010 – No Nachos
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    The party commits the greatest crime of all, delaying nachos, in order to find the source of the explosion that rocked their world. Aracyne gets to use her special talent. Wealthy does a badass vault. Vons is made to stay quiet and to not have nachos. Grickx muddles through without his tools.

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  • 009 – Gendered Clothing is for Other Fantasy Universes

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    009 – Gendered Clothing is for Other Fantasy Universes
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    Making new friends and evening plans as an adult is hard! Luckily, our friendly neighborhood socialite is on the case. Aracyne has Wealthy consult on an ugly hat, leaves a message for Vons with a new acquaintance, and has coffee with Grickx. Later, they all go out for drinks.

    Check us out online! We’re at https://primaryattribute.com/

  • 008 – Downtime

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    008 – Downtime
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    In the wake of their last adventure, the party goes about their daily lives. Wealthy goes to the library. Vons meets with his alchemical ingredient hookup and retraces his steps. Grickx and the inspector catch up. Aracyne gets blasted.

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  • 007 – Busting the Joint

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    007 – Busting the Joint
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    The party retreats to go get some responsible adults, and then try to bust a speakeasy full of rich and powerful people. It goes about as well as you’d expect. Vons hangs back. Grickx gets patched up. Wealthy gets awkward. Aracyne blows up her own spot.

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  • 006 – Career Counseling

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    006 – Career Counseling
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    The party is discovered, and quickly things turn to blows as they fight to survive in the most dangerous of places, a distillery. Wealthy discovers the terror of magic. Vons makes for a very bad doctor. Grickx presses on against all odds. Aracyne gives career advice.

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  • 005 – Bug Guts and Blockages

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    005 – Bug Guts and Blockages
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    After their harrowing encounter last session, the party takes a moment to breathe, gather themselves, and then head out into the rest of the underground. Strange voices and horrible smells lie around every corner as they explore, and it quickly becomes clear that not all is as it should be. Aracyne listens closely and has a sense of entitlement. Grickx actually fixes something. Vons finds a snack. Wealthy doubts her career choices.

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  • 004 – Scraping Off the Rust

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    004 – Scraping Off the Rust
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    The party remembers they’re supposed to be investigating infrastructure, not awesome glowing alcohol, and head down into the maintenance levels. Things get wet, then dangerous. Grickx shows off his magic wand, and Wealthy shows off her magic missiles. Aracyne loses a dirk. Vons gets under someone’s shell.

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  • 003 – Investigations and Flirtations

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    003 – Investigations and Flirtations
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    The party investigates the strange glowing drink that’s suddenly popular in The Warrens, as well as the Gwendolou, the bar that’s serving it. Vons and Wealthy go in the trash. Grickx slips away for a solo sneaking mission. Aracyne goes to get a drink and only ends up thirsty.

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  • 002 – The Gang’s All Here

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    002 – The Gang’s All Here
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    Our party all finally meets each other and figures out how to work together. Sort of. They get to know each other over a drink, and then scout around The Warrens looking for clues as to the strange power fluctuations there. What they find instead is a glowing drink that gets you extremely high.

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  • 001 – Civil Service for Fun and Profit

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    001 – Civil Service for Fun and Profit
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    The gig economy always sucks, even on the flying city-fortress above a corrupted, apocalyptic world. Here we start the tale of the city of Arx Moltimus, and our motley crew of adventurers: Vons, Wealthy, Grickx, and Aracyne. Due to a lack of mysterious old men in taverns to give them quests, they are instead drawn together by a combination of just doing their jobs, needing some cash, covering for a friend, and getting asked to by a mysterious mentor. Little do they know how complicated their lives are about to get…

    Check us out online! We’re at https://primaryattribute.com/